The Magic Bean
by victoriakay
Summary: Because really, who doesn't want to drink Visha's coffee forever?


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**October 1928**

**Imperial Capital Berun**

Tanya von Degurechaff was always appreciative of her adjutant's coffee. It had just the right amount of depth to it, and was never too bitter. Even when she was working with low-quality grounds, the brew that resulted from them would be smooth and fragrant.

Over the past few weeks, Serebryakov had begun to get experimental. It seemed each cup she made had its own distinct profile. Tanya didn't believe in heaven, but if it existed, it was almost certainly run by Visha, and not Being X.

"You're spoiling me," Tanya told her adjutant, after being brought a fourth cup in as many hours.

"Anything for my beloved Lieutenant Colonel," Visha replied.

Tanya didn't like admitting it, but the word caused a little flutter in her chest. It felt nice to have someone really care about her, even if she hardly deserved it.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when this is all over and you aren't around to make my coffee anymore," Tanya joked.

The war had been won, so in a sense it was all over. All that was left was another week or so of paperwork and then her unit would be disbanded.

Visha clasped her hands together behind her back and blushed prettily, eyes downcast.

"I'd like to spoil you every day for the rest of my life," Visha said softly.

Tanya's heart leapt into her throat. Did...did she just...did she know what she was saying? The way Visha was nervously biting her lip made her think she must.

_I_ _can't_, Tanya thought. _She's_ _too_ _young_. Actually, the situation was a good deal more complicated than that. Visha was twenty, so she was old enough to decide what she'd like to do with her personal life, but mentally Tanya felt about fifteen years older. She couldn't shake feeling like she was corrupting the innocent.

The other problem, of course, was Tanya's physical age. She was still fourteen, and small at that. It did make her wonder for a minute if everything was alright with Visha's head. She had noticed her battalion often forgot how young she was though. It was probably just that.

"Lieutenant," Tanya said, clearing her throat, "as nice as that proposal sounds, I'm not sure if it's possible yet."

Visha gave a disappointed sigh, and then looked up and smiled shyly.

"Do you think we could at least talk about it?" she asked.

Talking was fine. Talking was good.

"O-of course," Tanya blurted out.

They agreed on a time and place. It was a date. Tanya's first date in a long time. Well, technically, Tanya's first date ever.

—

Major Weiss had a well-known fondness for beer. He wasn't ashamed to admit it, even if it got him in trouble sometimes. Now that he was back home permanently, there seemed no reason not to indulge.

He was at a bar, already a few drinks in, when somebody took a seat on the stool next to him. It was his lovely comrade, Lieutenant Serebryakov.

"Visha!" he exclaimed, a little louder than he'd meant to be.

She greeted him warmly and they chatted for a few minutes.

"You know," he said, remembering a certain event, "last time you caught me drunk you played a trick on me," he said, pouting, "maybe I need to go before you do something nasty again."

"Poor baby," she said, bumping shoulders with him, "you didn't realize Princess Visha could also be a bad girl?"

Mmm. How should he say this. Weiss would admit to having a penchant for bad girls. And the way she said it had been so...seductive. He'd never realized Visha had this sort of side to her.

He coughed and tried not to blush. "I just meant that I wished you treated me with the same care you do our lieutenant colonel," he muttered.

"Oh?" she asked, slyly, "Someone jealous?"

Weiss wasn't sure how he was supposed to answer that, so opted to stare at the floor instead.

"If you want..." she began, and his head perked up, "I could treat you to some of my coffee," she finished, with a big smile.

"I-I think I'd like that," he said, smiling back.

She gave him a time and a place, and he practically skipped home from the bar.

—

"Thank you," Colonel von Lehrgen said, taking a fresh cup of coffee from Lieutenant Serebyakov.

He took a sip. Perfect. Piping hot, but not enough to burn. The exact amount of cream he liked. Lehrgen didn't like having Degurechaff around all day, but her adjutant's presence was a silver lining.

"I wish my adjutant was this attentive," he said, smiling at her. "He only gets it right on accident. I would have taken you from Lieutenant Colonel von Degurechaff if I'd known."

"I think I would have preferred being stationed with you, sir," she replied.

Well, that was obvious. Lehrgen had a much safer job than Degurechaff. He liked to think he was also substantially easier to work with.

"Back when I heard my commanding officer was a noble, I thought..." Serebryakov continued, and then drifted off, looking down and blushing.

"Yes?" Lehrgen asked.

"I was hoping it would be someone a little..."

"Less demanding?" he provided.

"...more like you," she said, staring at the floor.

Ahhh...? Was she? She did realize he was more than ten years her senior, no?

"It's a shame we didn't get a chance to get to know each other," he said, not entirely sure where this conversation was leading.

"Sir, if you wouldn't mind, it's never too late, is it?"

This was putting him in a strange position. It's not that he had no interest, but...there were a few outstanding problems. _Well_, he figured, _there's no harm in getting to know her better. Maybe it could work. You never know if you don't try. Plus, someone has to save the poor girl from Degurechaff._

"I suppose it isn't," he replied.

They agreed on a time and place to meet. How nice to have a personal life return now that the war was over.

—

"Elya!" Visha called, throwing her arms around her former roommate. The other woman greeted her with equal enthusiasm. They had a lot of catching up to do.

Elya happily spilled all the gossip she'd collected to her best friend. When it was over, Visha looked at her contemplatively.

"You haven't said anything about my secret," Visha said.

"I didn't know you had any," Elya replied cheekily, intrigued. Visha didn't tend to be very sly.

Visha leaned in close, like she was going to whisper it in her ear.

"Want to find out?" she breathed out, with a venomous charm that Elya never would have believed her capable of using.

Elya had never thought about her roommate in that way before. But right now, with Visha leaned against her, breathing into her ear, promising delicious untold secrets, she suddenly realized she'd very much like to.

"Yes, please," she replied, putting her own mouth to one of Visha's ears.

"Not yet," Visha told her, pushing back. She gave her a time and a place to meet. She never knew Visha could be such a tease.

—

"Lieutenant Serebryakov!" Grantz called, running to catch up with her.

She slowed and turned around. It was unfair how beautiful she was. Grantz had had a crush on her ever since they first met. They'd all be going their separate ways soon, and he figured it was now or never.

"I-I-umm-I was wondering...uhh...it's alright if you don't, I-I just wanted to ask, umm...uhh..." Grantz felt a heavy blush rise on his cheeks. He'd thought that after learning to deal with his commanding officer nothing would ever scare him, but somehow he couldn't get the words out.

"Lieutenant Grantz, what a coincidence!" she said, giving him a pat on the arm.

He brought his head back up to look at her.

"I was just thinking about you. I was wondering if you'd like to get some coffee," she said, with a good-natured smile.

Grantz thought this might be the best day of his life. Visha handed him a slip of paper with a time and a place. He went to bed dreaming about their wedding.

—

General Romel wasn't sure what to make of the woman standing in front of him. He'd asked her to get him coffee, and she'd told him she knew a better place, if he was interested.

Romel couldn't say Lieutenant Serebryakov wasn't attractive, but...he was married. And wearing his wedding ring again now that he was back in the office, so she should know that. Hell, he even had two brats to call his own.

He couldn't say he found it strange that the younger woman was attracted to him. He liked to think he cut a very fine figure regardless of his age. His hair was still sandy blonde and he was in better shape than most of his recruits. No, it made perfect sense to think even young ladies would swoon over him.

He'd have to turn her down, of course. But there was no harm in accompanying her to this hidden gem of Berun. They could speak in private and he'd let her down gently.

—

When everyone arrived in front of the coffee house called The Magic Bean, they immediately wondered how they were going to explain the situation to their coworkers. Why had so many of them decided to show up for the grand opening? How were they supposed to have a private meeting with Visha? Couldn't they have chosen other places to be?

Nonetheless, everyone walked in, studiously avoiding eye contact. Visha, radiant in a barista's uniform, greeted them.

"Welcome to my shop," she said, with a little curtsy. "I'm glad you all appreciate my coffee so much." There was a sudden collective sigh of defeat heard among her patrons. So that's what she'd meant. How silly of them.

Well, now that they were here, they could hardly leave without ordering. A glance at the menu and several jaws dropped. Could coffee really cost that much? But...but they had no choice. After the embarrassing mistake, they'd be compelled to buy their coffee here as long as they were in Berun. How else could they explain why they'd come?

"I hope you'll consider making me your lifelong purveyor of fine brews!" Visha said brightly, beginning to pour each person's preferred cup.

_Her_ _coffee_ _really_ _is_ _the_ _best_, everyone thought, no longer bothered by the price as soon as they took a sip. They'd gladly drink Visha's coffee the rest of their lives.

* * *

_A/N got this idea while writing my other fic and decided it had to happen. At least this time my crack stayed crack instead of getting dark. I think we all know we'd join Visha's coffee harem._


End file.
